A Father’s Voice
As we continue to share stories of healing and redemption, we want to share another step in Jim’s journey of discovering the foundation of ‘who we are and the foundation of our identity. In Jim’s words…
The very idea of standing in front of people and speaking would send a cold sweat down my back, and my knees would buckle. So when I first began to sense a calling from God to share my story, I was understandably terrified. Without a father to affirm me in my teen years, I did not have great self-esteem. At my brother’s wedding, the family asked me to share a few well-wishes from telegrams we received from guests unable to attend. I would be shaking from head to toe, sweat pouring down my face, constantly wiping my forehead, and unable to utter a word. After a fair number of alcoholic drinks, I was able to address the crowd somehow. Of course, this happened before I gave my life back over to God.
As I began to sense the direction God had for my life, I realized He would have to do something big to prepare me for being His voice if He was calling me to preach. I began to pray, albeit nervously, about this idea of one day preaching before people. One evening reading the Bible, l came across this Scripture:
“And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaim to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 1 Corinthians 2:1-5
Fear and trembling was something with which I was well acquainted. But I knew in my heart God was calling me to witness what He had done in my life in the area of forgiveness. It would be His Spirit helping me—not my own strength, lack of wisdom, or eloquent speech. And so, I chose to move ahead and tell people my story. I would begin to live out what Jesus told his disciples just before He ascended into heaven in Acts 1:8. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses....".
In the months ahead, I came across and listened to a message by a popular research professor who has spent years studying the concepts of courage, empathy, vulnerability, and shame. She knew of a survey in which the researchers studied why some people were so successful and others not. Was there a common denominator in their lives? After months of questioning and research, they found one link that was recurrent in each person, which was evident throughout their years of growing up and into young adulthood. What these researchers discovered was that successful individuals grew up with a deep sense of belonging. They believed they were worthy of love and belonging. Out of this deep sense of self-worth and belonging, they could live healthy emotional lives as adults.
My curiosity was piqued. I began to examine where that sense of belonging comes from? Where does it originate? From the moment we are born, we begin to receive the life messages of who we are; are we loved; do we belong to someone? God’s original idea and plan was that we would receive love and a sense of belonging through being part of a family. Sadly, in our broken world and since the beginning of time and the first family of Adam and Eve, the idea of family has been battered, torn apart, and redefined. Who even defines what a family is anymore? Do we leave it to the world and centuries of abuse and misunderstanding, or do we go back to the beginning?
God directed me in my missionary journey and ultimately led me back to the land of my heritage. Not long after joining the missionary organization and becoming involved in the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, I attended a pastors conference in far-east Russia. A church was having yearly gatherings of pastors from all over the eastern part of Russia. This particular year, the topic was to be on ‘family values.' The pastors asked if I would teach on the role of the father in the home. Now, I am a father. I, along with my wife, have raised four children. I think and hope I have done a reasonably good job. But I certainly didn’t feel I was overly qualified to speak on the subject. Initially, I was under the impression I was to take an hour segment to talk. As we communicated further in preparation, they decided I should teach for 5 hours! So before panic could set in, I went to the only place where I could get help. On my knees in prayer, I cried out to God to give me a lot of grace, wisdom, and words to share!
So often, I have found if I dig into Scripture and ask God for answers, He is only too happy to direct me to read portions that answer my questions. If I don’t feel the answer is specific enough, it is at least a starting point.
I began to read the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 17, verse 5: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him, I am well pleased. Listen to him!” In the Gospels of Matthew and Mark both describe Jesus and his baptism. A voice from heaven speaks to Jesus. I started to wonder why God felt the need to say these words at that moment in history.
Why was it so important for God to say these exact words to Jesus? After all, he was the ‘son of God.' He'd come from heaven directly from the presence of God. He knew God loved him. So, why did God the Father choose to say something so obvious to Jesus? And in front of the people who were with him? I'll take a chance on saying perhaps God already knew what we humans and researchers the world over are still trying to figure out. We have a great need to be loved and a desperate need to belong. I believe God was accomplishing four things by saying those eternal words to Jesus at that moment.
Firstly, He was communicating His deep love. Jesus understood that He was loved and was worth loving. Secondly, God spoke identity to Jesus—to whom do you belong? Jesus knows He is the Son of God., yet he still received a father’s validation. We see this so often when an adopted child grows up and seeks to find his or her birth parents. To whom did I originally belong? Thirdly, God spoke value to Jesus. He tells him in his validation of love that he is special, precious, and important. He has a purpose. Lastly, God was communicating pleasure and delight in His Son. Jesus knows the Father is proud of him (a good pride), and he brings the Father pleasure and joy.
I believe God was not only communicating something eternally crucial to Jesus but also to us. We need similar affirmation in our lives to be able to breathe and survive. But from where and who does this communication come? There is no shortage in this world of voices trying to tell us who we are or who we should be. To whom are we listening?
As we grew up, what message did we hear? What identity was spoken over us, consciously or inadvertently? If we have an absence of love, unmet needs, or a heart wound, we will flounder through our years. We must find comfort deep within our spirit by the One who created us. If we do not, this lack of love and belonging will harm our relationships into adulthood. This will play out on a conscious or unconscious level. We spend our lives searching for identity and desperately looking for someone to love us. When we look in all the wrong places, we will eventually fill our lives with all sorts of other comforts, whether that be dependency in relationships, sex, alcohol, gambling, shopping—the world offers a myriad of comforts. There is a right place to look, and our hope is by sharing these 'fatherheart' stories, you will find that Person who is calling you to a more profound joy, love, and acceptance than you've ever known.
There's a reason God is called Father. He created the relationship. His first, last, and in-between words to us in our lives on this earth are....I LOVE YOU DEEPLY. YOU are unique, precious, and important. YOU have a purpose. YOU are special, and YOU bring Him pleasure and joy. His Voice of love and affirmation reaches out to each one of us today.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I’ve never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!
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