A Story of Forgiveness and the Kurdish People
As we have pursued writing this blog and sharing Jim's reconciliation journey with his father, we once again remember why we went down this road. Telling real-life stories of forgiveness and healing can bring hope to many of us—especially in our world today. We have traveled the world and encountered horrendous stories of lives embittered by physical abuse, abandonment, racial and ethnic atrocities, and so much more. Forgiveness plays a huge part in our life's message. We will be sharing many more stories in the months to come. However, one aspect of the forgiveness process also lies in realizing the hurt we have caused others. We own up to our actions, humbling ourselves, and asking forgiveness from them. This act, along with God's help, can not only change their lives but ours as well. And surprisingly, a nation can begin changing. Herein is such a story….
My name is Rezo. I live in Georgia, a nation in the Caucasus area of Eurasia. We border the Black Sea, Russia, Azerbaijan, Armenia, and Turkey. Our largest city is Tbilisi, where I have lived my entire life. I am part of an ethnic people group called the Kurds, and there are between 50-60,000 of our people living in Georgia.
We Kurds are one of the indigenous peoples of the Mesopotamian plains and highlands in south-eastern Turkey, north-eastern Syria, northern Iraq, north-western Iran, and southwestern Armenia. The Kurdish people number between 25-35 million and make up the fourth-largest ethnic group in the Middle East. We are a mixed bag of religions— Islam, Christianity, Zoroastrianism, Yarsanism, Yazidism, Alevism, and Judaism.
In 2001, I married my wife, Lena, who is from Armenia. We have two beautiful children, a son, and a daughter. My wife and I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ in 2004. Since then, we have lived and served Jesus among the Kurdish people. Our wedding was not an arranged wedding, which is often the case still today amongst the Kurds. We married because we loved each other. We loved and cared deeply for one another for nearly three years before we married.
A month after we were married, sadly, I began despising my wife. We fought each day, and I would harshly beat her. I was studying at university, and when I came home, I would look for reasons for conflict. Ironically, when I was away from home, I would miss my wife tremendously. I had conflicting emotions and was a miserable man.
At this point, my story goes back a bit further. It explains why my behavior was so irrational and abusive. In the days before our wedding, my friends organized a bachelor party. They brought me a prostitute as a gift. My friends knew I had principles, and I would not have an affair, so this was their final present to me before I got married. Regrettably, I gave in and slept with this woman. This decision has been my biggest mistake, and the guilt of it remained with me for many years following.
Some weeks after our wedding, it became apparent I had contracted a sexually transmitted disease from the prostitute. An impenetrable dark cloud now engulfed me. I could not tell my new wife, nor anyone else I knew. The shame and guilt were unbearable. And then, within weeks of our newly married life, Lena became pregnant.
During this extremely stressful time, I secretly went to the doctor and received treatment for my disease. The doctor informed me that I should not have children due to this sexual disease until I was completely healed. Fearfully, I told him my wife was already pregnant, and he was understandably shocked! He asked me if I was sure the child was mine. With a thickness in my throat, barely able to speak, I said, yes, I was very confident. My doctor told me only one in ten million will a child be carried for nine months and be born. As well, only one in 100 million cases will the child be healthy. This news was a death blow to me. The guilt consumed my life, and I began a season of living in the worst fear imaginable.
As I waited for our child to be born, I became a monster at home. I hoped if the child is born without complications, everything will be alright. Sadly, as predicted, the child was not born normal. Our newborn daughter immediately had problems with her intestines, and cranial pressure became a constant issue. I was sick with worry knowing because of my horrible hidden sin, my child was suffering. Consumed with anger and guilt, I took out my self-hatred on my wife, continually beating her daily.
A couple of years passed, and together we took care of our daughter in the best way we could. I, in fear and guilt, Lena, with loving patience. During this worrying time and through various God-ordained circumstances, I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. Slowly, my heart and behavior began to change. However, I still could not bring myself to tell Lena why our daughter was born in this condition. We always loved each other, but obviously, there was something wrong and missing in our marriage. I had no idea at the time it was my hidden and unconfessed sin.
As I grew in my relationship with God and my leadership ability, I took on a Kurdish Christian church's pastorate. I loved my people and was so happy as God blessed and allowed our Kurdish church to grow. But for years, even though I led people in their relationship with Christ, I continued to carry this massive load of guilt. It was always there, following me around like a huge boulder on my back. On the surface, people saw a man who loved God. Inside, I was a turmoil of mixed emotions and confusion.
In 2006, I heard about Youth With A Mission and an opportunity to attend their Discipleship Training School. Youth With A Mission (YWAM) is a nondenominational international Christian organization that trains young people to 'go into all the world and preach the Gospel.' I wanted more training in my life, and God opened the doors for me to attend this school in Armenia. Our family was living in Armenia at this time with Lena's relatives. I could leave my family with them and go to the school. I had no idea this decision would change my life forever.
A YWAM Discipleship Training School (DTS) is a five-month program beginning with three months of lectures and followed by two months of evangelistic outreach. The classes bring in various speakers from all over the world, teaching on God's character, hearing His Voice, divine guidance, intercession, the Fatherheart of God, and many other excellent Biblical topics. I was excited to be a part of this program.
Our first week’s teaching was on the subject, Fatherheart of God. Our lecturer, Jim, was from a Russian family in Australia. He shared his story of God's forgiveness, leading, and redemptive love reconciling him with his father.
From the first days of these lectures, I understood that my relationship with my earthly father had problems. I do not ever remember my father telling me he loves me. I never experienced tenderness or care from him. These words or actions are not something we usually do in our culture. But I somehow knew my father did love me. Listening to Jim’s testimony of his severed relationship and reconciliation with his father, all my childhood memories flooded my mind, and I realized how upset I had been for years towards my own father. I felt deprived of not having been told he loved me, nor the tenderness of his care.
One warm and sunny afternoon, I spent time with Jim and shared my heart and background with him. He kindly listened and then led me in prayer to forgive my father for his lack of showing me affection. After this, I began to anticipate when I would see my father again to hug him and tell him how much I loved him. This act of forgiving him gave me a new purpose in my relationship with my dad.
Nearing the end of the week, much had begun to change in my heart and mind. The prayers, testimonies, and teaching, one by one, were transforming me. On the last day of that week, the school leader and students sat in a circle, and one by one would share and confess sins and unforgiveness towards someone in their lives who had deeply wounded them. It was a time of processing that was much needed and began a healing in many students' hearts and minds.
As I listened, I thought, “I am not going to share. I’ve already forgiven my father; what else do I need to do?” As I looked around the room, I found myself making eye contact with Jim. He didn’t say anything, but there was a look of compassion on his face. It was as if God was talking to my mind—'My son, tell it, tell it all; I forgive you, I love you.' There suddenly began a turmoil and shaking inside of me. In front of this group, I cannot share my terrible secret. However, as some time passed and in those terrifying moments of silence, God’s word and love to my heart overcame my resistance.
I stood up and went to sit beside Jim and began to share with my fellow students all that had tormented me, even as a Christian. Interestingly, once I took the step, the words just poured out. I confessed all that took place at the bachelor party; how I beat my wife and our child was born with problems because of me. At this point, I didn’t care who knew or what people thought of me. I was so utterly exhausted from carrying this burden. Looking at Jim, a man whom God used to open my heart, I saw that he was not indifferent to what was happening in my life. He cared and wanted me to know Father God’s deep love and forgiveness for me. He wanted me to be set free.
It was deeply troubling. I had already been preaching in the church and involved in ministry for years, not realizing how crippled I was spiritually. Before this week, no one had ever asked me about my feelings or what emotional baggage or sin I could possibly be carrying inside. During this time of the school, however, it was different. God drew me closer, and I began to see, feel, and believe the loving heart of my heavenly Father. As I confessed my sin before Him and the students, I could sense a huge burden lift from my shoulders. I believe God gently and miraculously removed my guilt. He forgave me! One by one, the students rose and hugged me and reaffirmed my 'sonship in Christ', expressing their love and acceptance of me, no matter what my past held. I had never felt such love or acceptance. For the first time in many years, I actually felt free!
Before Jim left our school at the end of the week, he pulled me aside and challenged me to be vulnerable and tell my wife. He said nothing could be worse if she somehow heard of this through someone else. It is strongly advised in those sharing times together as a school that it is a safe place of confession and vulnerability. No one goes and shares outside of the time (other people’s stories) unless it is their own personal sharing of their forgiveness story. But if my wife should hear somehow, it would be best if she heard it from me. As well, we needed a time of healing and forgiveness between the two of us.
My mind resonated with the truth of this. I could not wait. The next day I determined to be honest with Lena and went to the village where she was staying with family. I traveled over 200 kilometers (124+ miles) to see my wife for two hours and share everything. I wanted to ask her forgiveness for what I'd done and hidden from her for so many years. She was still asleep when I arrived at the house. I quickly rushed in to wake her. I remember Lena didn’t understand it all at first. She was trying to calm me down and had forgiven me for the beatings a long time ago. But she soon realized in those moments a radical change had taken place in me. As I explained with tears streaming down my face, this wonderful woman wept as well, and she forgave me wholeheartedly. It was an experience in our relationship, I will never forget and for which I will always be eternally grateful.
In the days following, we reunited in a fresh new love and relationship. I am continually overwhelmed by the love of God and an amazing wife! With thanks in my heart, my wife returned with me to the school to listen to the lectures, and then later, she also attended a full three-month DTS.
When school finished, I returned to Tbilisi, my home city, to follow-up with the desire to find my father. The opportunity finally came and I was able to tell my father how much I loved him. I told him I forgave him for not being able to express love to me as a child. My father cried during this time. It was good, but sadly, he was unable to say anything. It became, at the very least, the beginning of a new relationship with my father.
Jim and Rezo - their birthdays on the same day; a spiritual father and son
A few years later, I received a message via the internet from Jim. I thought he had forgotten all about me. He had not. His concern was had I ever returned to my wife and told her the whole story? He cared enough to find me and see if I had completed the circle of forgiveness. I was able to say to him what had transpired. He has since visited my family and church in Georgia several times and continues to share the principle of forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation. Many have been set free by forgiving those who have deeply wounded and abused them. God touched Jim's life, he touched mine, and I continue to share the message with my people and nation— a ripple effect. A cycle of freedom has resulted. God’s kingdom continues to multiply amongst the Kurdish people in our part of the world.
“There is more to your life than you ever thought. There is more to your story than what you have read. ”
I thank God for His love for me. I am deeply grateful to Him for sending me to a school and meeting people who carry God's love in their hearts. They prayed with me and accepted me with all my mistakes. Interestingly, several of those students in that DTS are Lena’s and my closest friends today. With confidence, I can say I have come to know God the Father’s heart much deeper through this ministry of love and forgiveness. There remain many who need to hear the message of God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness—to be healed and set free. I pray my story will have an impact on others' lives. I told Jim he could tell my story anywhere; I don't care who knows. I am set free.
Rezo and Lena pastor a Kurdish church in Georgia. The church continues to grow. They help deliver food and clothing to those in need during the Covid crisis, which has worsened in Georgia. There is also an ongoing ministry to Kurdish families from neighboring Azerbaijan, where war broke out in September between Armenia and Azerbaijan. As Rezo and Lena have family in Armenia and loved ones in both countries, this war was deeply felt (by so many of us). Please pray for peace in this area of the world. Even though, technically, the war has ‘ended’, there is much left unresolved and many people hurting, It continues to be a volatile area.
They are also involved in training young Kurdish people through Youth With A Mission. Every day there is activity—Bible studies, Sunday school, prayer services, evangelism, and ministry to teenagers. They are currently building and renovating a ministry and training center for Kurdish people. The renovation's internal work has begun and will cost $8,000 to finish, which must be done by year's end, or the government could fine them.
Please pray for this work and the financial provision. This is a vital ministry amongst largely unreached people. If you desire to help, please contact us on this blog's contact page, and we can direct you in giving. Your donation is tax-deductible.
Thank you to those of you who read this to the end. It is a long story, but one which is having a lasting impact. God, the Father, still moves and touches the hearts of men and women worldwide.