In His Own Words
I've had the privilege of writing my husband's story in these last posts—A real-life tale of abandonment, pain, forgiveness, and reconciliation. For those who believe in God, it is a message of hope and the pursuing love of their heavenly Father. And for those who have yet to believe, or perhaps have wandered away from their faith, may it also inspire genuine hope. No matter how we have been deeply wounded or abused, there is a Father who sincerely cares. He will pursue every avenue to bring you to Himself. He will give you opportunities to forgive. If you are brave enough to go down that path, new doors can open to freedom and, hopefully, restored relationships. It isn't easy—but it is worth it.
Today, Jim would like to share his heart as we wrap up this portion of his life’s adventure—in his own words…
For the first time in my life, I began to comprehend what the term ‘Fatherheart of God' means. I am thankful for the reconciliation that took place with my earthly father. But, way more than that, the profound impact this experience of the personal care of God the Father in my life set me free on a journey for which I will be eternally grateful. I have learned to hear God's voice to me personally, be led by Him, and experience His provision and generosity. It's been so much greater than any earthly father could have given. Generally, I am a man of few words, but I enjoy telling my God-stories and the testimonies of what He has done. (I love to brag about God, our Father). Get me going, and I won't stop!
I call my steps of forgiveness miraculous because woundings like abandonment do not just go away. Only the healing from a God who understands abandonment and still chooses to call us His children can make all things new in our broken lives.
Yes, broken relationships take a lot of hard work and choices to navigate. I knew my father and I would have to rebuild and start again. We were grown men now, but the emotions of anger, resentment, and for him, shame, would no longer hold us captive and rule our lives. I knew to move forward in my life, I would have to let go of my pain and unforgiveness and make a choice to receive my father back into my life.
God has patiently and faithfully 'reparented' me since that day. I cannot imagine where I would be or what emotional state I could be living in if I was still carrying around the bitterness towards my father. It would affect so many of my life's choices. Today I am a father myself and have raised four children. The healing and restoration which took place in my heart, along with the restored relationship with my earthly father (and subsequent revelation and experience of God in heaven as my one true Father), has enabled me to be a healthier dad to my own children.
Many a wounded person falls back on the well-used adage, which says 'time heals all.' This is simply not true. One of my brothers was fourteen years old when my father left. He, like me, was devastated at the abandonment. To this day, thirty-eight plus years later, he has not seen my father nor forgiven him. He has grown children, and they have never interacted with their grandfather. They lived in the same city. Time heals nothing. It only builds hurt upon hurt as we bury the wounds and find all manner of means to escape our pain, wounding, and unforgiveness. Please hear me; I do not diminish the pain that happens where there is abuse and abandonment. It is genuine. And I sincerely understand my brother's pain and the choices he has made. However, I also know first-hand the freedom that comes when we choose to forgive.
“ Be merciful, just as your Father (in heaven) is merciful.”
In the years since our reconciliation, my father tried to make amends to my mum and my siblings. Relationships are not perfect, but there is conversation, at least. He asked for forgiveness and be allowed to, at the very least, get to know his grandchildren. There was progress in this direction. Sadly, even with forgiveness, there are consequences to our behavior, and he has reaped what he has sown. Thankfully, my father and I were restored in our relationship, and he is close to my wife and grown children. They love their grandfather.
My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the latter part of November 2018. He was always a healthy man, taking long walks and making healthy eating choices, so his illness came as a shock. He fought bravely but passed away in March 2019. My wife and I, along with one of our daughters and her husband, traveled to Australia and spent a couple of weeks with Dad before his passing. They needed to return to America, and I stayed an additional three weeks longer to be with him. We had deep conversations about his life and the choices he made. He confessed he had not been the father he should have been and regretted that deeply. During his last weeks, several of my siblings and their families visited Dad. He had good days where he seemed to rally, and then a bad day would hit. I'd spent those five weeks with him, never knowing if the next day would be his last.
Sadly, we reached the point where we knew it was time for me to return to my family in America. I sat by my father's bedside, holding his hand and saying good-bye to a man who had deeply wounded me. However, I am forever grateful we had the opportunity to be reconciled. Amidst tears and a deep knowing it was by the grace and love of God, which brought us together, we said our good-byes. As I boarded the plane to return home, even knowing I would never see Dad again, I felt a sense of peace. A peace I knew came from God. Five days after returning to America, my father, Alex Dikih, left this earth and was welcomed into the forgiving arms of his heavenly Father.
I've traveled the world with this message of reconciliation and forgiveness. I have seen what abandonment and unforgiveness does to people. I am wholeheartedly and unashamedly convinced only the love of God can bring complete healing and restoration to our hearts. This principle act of forgiveness—of recognizing our unforgiveness towards others and truly forgiving them (with God’s help), is the key to freedom. It opens the door to living entirely free. Again, I don't pretend it is easy. There are horrendous and unspeakable injustices done to people all over the world. But the choice of forgiveness is one that will change your life. There is no other way.
“He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.”