The First Chapter
Jim awoke that bleak gray morning, his heart pounding with a strange feeling. An alarm rang somewhere. Was it beside his bed or in his head? A cloud of anxiety enveloped him and a deep pain he could not describe, throbbed within. Was it a bad dream? What happened to make this morning so different? As if on cue, he heard his mother weeping in the next room. Then reality reared its ugly head.
His father was gone. Left them all—six children and a wife who could not speak English. How would they survive? His head ached from the inner turmoil and hours of sobbing before he finally managed to drop off to sleep the night before. Confusion and abandonment had left an unfathomable black hole in all of their hearts.
There was a barrage of phone calls among relatives trying to cope with the horror of what was happening amid their seemingly perfect world—questions, the whys, and how could he, assaulted their minds. Jim’s life had changed in an instant, and he had no idea how his family would cope in the days ahead. Not only his pain but also his siblings and mother, whom he found frequently in her bedroom on her knees, crying uncontrollably and praying.
Compounding the pain was the fact his father was a pastor, a leader in the community. He was respected within the Russian Pentecostal church and ethnic community. Their entire family was expected to be above reproach, held to a higher standard than everyone else. There was no room for such transgressions. They should know better.
“One of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
A few weeks earlier, the nightmare had begun when his father, Alex, was discovered in an inappropriate relationship with a woman in the congregation. He’d been spending an unusual amount of time with her—meeting for coffee, going to her home to help with repairs even though she had a husband who could fix things. Jim's mother began to suspect something. One day as she sorted laundry and checked through pockets of clothing, she found a letter her husband had written to this woman. In her confusion and anger, she took the letter to her older brother, who lived across the street from her family.
Her brother read the letter and became deeply concerned about the emotional well-being of his sister. She spoke no English, and her entire life was wrapped up in the church and the Russian community in which they lived. Infidelity was not tolerated.
It was a painful time—Jim’s father was loved and respected by so many. This betrayal would run deep. After an emotional afternoon of processing, crying, outbursts of anger, and a good deal of time spent quieting his sister, her brother called the eldership of men and asked for a meeting.
The large red brick building housing the Slavic Pentecostal church was located in a residential neighborhood. Alex arrived, not quite sure why the meeting was called. However, it quickly became apparent to him something was amiss. The men greeted one another cautiously, and no tea served, as was the custom. Jim’s uncle took the lead and presented the letter to the elders explaining how it came into his possession. A disturbing quiet descended on the group. Alex sat with a startled and dazed expression.
As the reality of the alleged accusation dawned on the men, they overcame their shock and anger erupted. A barrage of questions and shouting followed.
“How could you do this? You are our pastor!”
“Alex, what were you thinking?”
“You have a wife and six children!”
“You should never spend that much time with another woman!”
“We don’t care about your excuses! It doesn’t look right!”
“This is unacceptable. It is sinful and cannot be tolerated!”
“He must be removed!”
It remained uncertain about the extent of this relationship. Still, from the evidence of the letter and the impropriety revealed, Jim’s father had crossed over an unforgivable line within this denomination. Alex was confronted and ostracized in one quick assembly of voices, seemingly given very little chance to explain his behavior. The men would not forgive him. Appearances were everything. They banished him, never again welcomed inside their church.
Alex’s heart broke as this community was his whole life. He knew he’d made a very huge mistake but was not quite ready to own up to it. The fact they judged him so harshly left a gaping wound, developing into anger and defensiveness. He began to make excuses, not only for his behavior but also for some decisions he then felt forced to make.
Under a cloud of guilt and condemnation, Jim’s father left the family. He applied for a passport and departed for Canada, where his brothers lived. He began a new life. He wrote a letter explaining his decision and laid blame on the family for his departure.
11 years before Alex left
In the days to follow, seven bleeding hearts were left to pick up the pieces. As Jim rubbed the sleep from his eyes and rolled himself out of bed, bitterness began to grow as its dark, ugly tentacles grabbed hold and rooted itself deep within his 15-year old heart. How does a pastor, a man who loved God and served him for many years, make such choices? What was God thinking in allowing this to happen? Why God? You were supposed to protect our family. Good things come to those who serve you. But as reality set in that life would never be the same, he realized he wasn't so mad at God, as he was at his father and the abandonment.
“I will never forgive Dad!” he screamed out to God as he wallowed in his pain, his entire body shaking.
In the days and weeks to follow, Jim became very disillusioned with the church. As a young teenager, he realized he had for some time been looking for a reason to spread his wings and get out from under the restrictions. His father's abandonment gave him the excuse to leave. He concluded—this God, whom he mostly knew through his father, no longer would have his attention.
He would run as far away from God and the church as possible. What was once the center of his existence, now became a life to avoid. He did not know at the time, that saying never to God can often open up opportunities for God to do the miraculous.
“The family and home should be a place of rescue, refuge, and restoration.”