The Path To A Clean Heart
Author’s Note: For those of you just joining us, we have embarked on a true story of forgiveness and redemption. These are sequential posts, and if you are just getting started with our story, scroll back to the post dated July 28th entitled “A Road Worth Traveling”. They are not lengthy and you’ll catch up in no time.
Brisbane, the capital and most populous city of Queensland, was alive with competitors and tourists. Joining them were over 300 young people gathered with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) to share their love of God with anyone whom they might meet. Everywhere you turned, there were either athletes in their national sweatsuits, tourists, or young people. The excitement was contagious.
Springtime was in full swing in the southern hemisphere with temperatures in the mid-70's—perfect weather for being outside to mingle with the hundreds who had come to watch the games. Jim’s outreach began with different speakers from around the world, teaching the participants about missions and how to share their faith effectively.
After the first week of instruction and staying in a local church, Jim and his new friends were divided into small groups of about ten people and assigned housing with various families living in and around Brisbane. They would be traveling to other towns around Queensland to help with ministry in the local churches. Jim's group was designated to go to Caboolture, a small town about thirty-six miles north of Brisbane.
As the students divided up, Jim found himself on a team whose leader, Sonia, also came from a Russian background. He'd already begun to ponder his heritage and if God might be calling him to be a missionary back to his people. Meeting Sonia could be significant—I'll have to keep my ears and eyes open to any other Slavic young people I may encounter.
Finding a spot under the shade of trees for all to sit around in a circle, Sonia set about making introductions. She told them what to expect in the weeks ahead. As Jim listened, his eyes scanned the group, and he could feel a sense of anticipation and excitement. Each person was leaning forward, intent on what Sonia was telling them. She began by teaching one of the foundational principles of YWAM—intercession—praying for others. “This is something we will be doing a lot of—praying before we go out on the streets to share. We want God to lead us to people who are willing to listen and hear about His love. We want to encounter open hearts."
“As we approach God to pray, it is important to remember what Scripture says about coming to Him with a clean heart— a concept we often don't consider. When praying for others, God tells us in the book of James, chapter 5, verse 16, 'The prayer of a righteous man avails much' or is powerful. But an essential piece of this we also find in Psalm 66:18, 'If we have sin in our hearts when coming to God, we are like hypocrites, and he cannot hear us."
Sonia continued, "Another key scripture that highlights a desire to be clean before God is where King David cried out after he had sinned with Bathsheba. 'Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.' You can find this in Psalm 51.”
Sonia then asked each student to find a quiet spot and meditate on Psalm 51, after which they would come back together and share their thoughts.
The teaching of prayer was intriguing for Jim, and so new. All I know of prayer is in the Russian church when we all stand to pray— everyone prays out loud together. It's so noisy, and it seems as if no one really listens or hears the prayers. It looks like a whole lot of wailing going on. But his heart was hungry for God. He felt like a child getting his first taste of ice cream. A bit of a cold shock, but sweet and wanting more. He had no idea this concept of a clean heart was about to change his life forever.
He contemplated this new outlook on prayer, which was unfamiliar to him, and he realized something. A clean heart is not something he ever heard talked about or considered.
Sonia went on to challenge the group, "Now when we pray and ask God to cleanse our heart, don't just pray the words and then get up and go on our way. We should wait quietly, expecting Him to speak to us. Give God time to show us if we have sin in our hearts."
Jim had already been a Christian for a few months. He felt he had cleaned up his act. At least on the surface—cut his hair, quit smoking, dressed better, and stopped drinking. He knew how outward appearances were notable. He figured he was doing alright. Probably remnants of a childhood in a strict denominal church where looks and actions were everything. He didn't want to be judgmental; he just wanted to go deeper with God. He was yearning for truth and desperately wanted a clean heart, whatever form that was to take. He, above all, did not want to be a hypocrite.
With the sun shining and free time to pray, Jim proceeded to find a quiet place by himself under some trees. Closing his eyes, he prayed, “Search my heart, Oh God...if there is anything that is not right, please show me." Not quite knowing what to expect next, he just waited. It was a prayer and commitment he would do whatever it took to make anything right before God. He felt it was a very scary prayer, but he was sincere. He knew his past life had been a bit on the wild side and did not know what God would bring up. He did have a reasonably good idea that he would have some apologies to make and probably have to go out of his way to make some things right.
Nevertheless, he silently waited before God. His heart was pounding. He felt the breeze through the trees and could hear children playing off in the distance. All of a sudden, what came to his mind were the words 'my father.' With a mix of confusion and annoyance, his first response was, "Wait a minute,…what about my father?” And ever so slowly, the answer came. Like a drama unfolding before him, Jim began to see the bitterness, unforgiveness, and yes, hatred he held in his heart towards his dad.
A wave of anger overtook him, and feeling conflicted, he reacted, screaming on the inside, "Well, look what my dad did. I have a right to feel this way. He was a preacher; he has an affair, and then he up and abandons our family." Jim continued to lay out all his excuses and righteous anger before God. Suddenly, interrupting his train of thoughts, he remembered something one of the speakers in the orientation said earlier in the week. This man talked about loving our neighbors, even going so far as to love our enemies. He then focused in on talking about honoring our mother and father. Jim remembered the speaker pausing and looking out intently upon the crowd. “You know, there is no condition to that. God does not say if they are worthy of honor— honor them. He says simply honor your mother and father—even if she is the town prostitute or he is the town drunk. God commands us to honor our father and mother in Exodus 20:12. We don’t participate or agree with the sin they are committing, but He does emphatically tell us to honor them.”
Sitting alone in the quietness of prayer, at that precise moment, Jim realized how far down a black hole of unforgiveness and hatred he had fallen. He broke. A huge lump formed in his throat and he could barely speak. Images of his father and growing up flashed before his eyes; the last image was of his father walking out the door. Tears were streaming down his face. “Oh, God, what have I done? I've asked you for forgiveness for my own life, and yet refused to extend the same towards my dad. Please forgive me for my unforgiveness. I have hated Dad, and I don't feel like I ever want to see him again!"
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.” ”
A million thoughts were running through his mind. He wasn't sure what came next. Somehow, the flood of words came pouring from his heart. Taking a big deep breath, he cried out, "God, I FORGIVE my father. I release him from my hatred and bitterness. I don't know what else I can do, but I do forgive him!" His body was shaking, and he let the emotions take over. Jim didn't care if anyone saw him. He only knew what was happening was eternally significant.
After some time, a calm began to descend on Jim. He did not know where the words came from, but a new sensation enveloped him, and he began to pray a blessing on his father. He continued kneeling on the ground as the unexpected yet powerful words left his mouth. He experienced a presence and peace from God pouring over him like warm spring rain. Never had he known such a feeling before. It was life-changing at that moment. His heart, mind, even his body felt free from the chains and bondage of unforgiveness. There were no words to express this new, unfamiliar freedom.
“Forgiveness is not just an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”
In that intensely personal divine moment before God, Jim had another thought and dared to ask, “God, do you want me to meet my father while I am here in Brisbane?” In a soft still voice, the words came crystal-clear to his mind, “Yes, I do.” Jim wasn't used to hearing words or responses in his head, so he was perplexed but kept going. He thought he might be hearing from God, yet began to doubt. However, even in his few months of his new-found faith in God, he knew if and when God speaks to us, He will always confirm it somehow. Jim felt perhaps the confirmation would be that his father must be living in Caboolture, and somehow he would meet him unexpectedly on the street. He rose to his feet, speaking out loud, "Maybe if I take small steps of obedience, God will let me know if I am on the right track. Okay, I will knock on some doors."
“Hearing God is not all that difficult. If we know the Lord, we have already heard His voice - after all it was the inner leading that brought us to Him in the first place. But we can hear His voice and still miss His best if we don’t keep on listening. After the ‘what’ of guidance comes the ‘when and how’.”
As he walked back to the church, Jim decided to take the only step he knew. He found a telephone box and called home to a neighbor because his mum did not have a phone. The neighbor answered and went next door and retrieved his sister-in-law, Louise, who was visiting.
"Jim, this is a surprise. Your brother, Wally, is not here right now. What can I do for you? Is everything alright?"
"Well, Louise, I've had second thoughts about contacting Dad while I am up here in Queensland. I'm just wondering if perhaps he lives in Calboolture, the town we are staying,"
"Hang on; I'll go get his address."
As Jim waited for her to return, a hope he’d never had before began to dawn, and he could be on a path of reconciliation with his father.
After a few minutes, Louise came back and replied, “No, sorry, Jim, he lives in a town called Deception Bay.”
Oh, great, he thought, What a name! Deception Bay! That is fitting.
"Okay, thanks anyway, Louise. Give my love to Wally and the family. I'll call again soon" and hung up the phone.
Oh well, I tried. Feeling deflated, Jim went out to his car and sat wondering what to do. He pulled out a road map to see where this crazy-named town was located but had trouble finding Deception Bay. After folding and refolding the map several times —to his astonishment, he discovered Caboolture and Deception Bay were only six miles apart.
You had to drive through Deception Bay to get to Caboolture, from Brisbane. Well, if that’s not a confirmation, I don’t know what is. Chuckling to himself, Jim wondered what in the world God was planning. He was new to this trusting-God-way-of-life, but there was an anticipation the next few days would yield some surprises only God could orchestrate.