The Trip That Changed Everything
Barely fifteen years old and Jim’s father, the man who meant the world to him, was gone. The pain was unbearable. In his anger, he rejected the values his parents instilled in him and chose to leave the church. It was his chance to sow some wild oats and eventually fit in as an Australian. It was an enormous relief. He could finally break free from the constraints by which he'd felt imprisoned. In his rebellion, however, he did not realize the pain inadvertently being inflicted upon his mother. By leaving the church like his father, he was compounding the pain. He was rejecting all that was sacred to her. Jim was breaking her heart as he embarked on what he thought was his journey to freedom.
Several years went by as he indulged in once-forbidden activities—namely drinking, gambling, and sex. The church no longer had control over him. Despite his new-found freedom, he tried to maintain a close relationship with his mum though she grieved his choices. To Mamachka, as he called her, these worldly practices were wrong. However, he continually watched out for her—helping her cope with the life she was forced to live as a single mother. She spoke so little English that grocery shopping and household bills soon became a sibling responsibility. As well, she couldn’t drive, so they took her everywhere she needed to go. The effects of her husband's abandonment left holes in the most routine of activities.
Despite everything that had happened, the Russian community remained a constant support to Mamachka. Her older brothers stood by her through it all.
Jim’s mother’s side of the family in the early years
The church soon appointed a new pastor, and life began its return to normal…or as normal as it can be when the fabric of one’s existence rips apart. His father’s affair and the drama created within the church left many people hurt. By merely being related, Jim’s paternal aunts and uncles found themselves also criticized. How could they let this happen? Did they not know? The whispering behind backs and rumors abounded—a trail of heartache and misunderstanding took center stage. However, as time passed, life went on. Feelings got swept under the rug, and gradually all seemed right again. As the Sundays, holidays, and months went by, Jim's subdued family began to pick up the pieces of their broken lives.
Seven years went by and Jim was continually dissatisfied with life and internally struggling with his dad leaving, though he’d never admit that to anyone. Jim was ready for a change of scenery—a new country. He would move to Canada for the summer to visit his mother’s side of the family. Three of his maternal uncles had emigrated from Australia to British Columbia, Canada, and established another Slavic Pentecostal church.
Upon his arrival, he quickly fell into a nightly drinking habit with a cousin. They began to frequent the local bars and stayed out so late some evenings; it was daylight before they returned home. The back door of his cousin's home was continually left unlocked for this reason. Drunk, dizzy, and way too noisy, they would find their way to the bedrooms and pass out. Sleeping into the afternoon became the norm for Jim. When evening came, out they would go again to repeat the same inebriated adventure.
One night, bored with partying, he sat with his aunt at the kitchen table. He sipped a hot cup of tea. The despair in his aunt’s face told the story of deep heartache.
Tears rolled down her face. “Why would you choose this life and leave the church? My son did the same thing, and I would give anything to see him come back to God." Her words, barely understandable, came between sobs. I pray daily, "Please, God, bring him back to you.”
Jim argued. “Auntie, what has the church done for me except burden me with rules and obligations? And playing happy family amid abandonment doesn’t work for me."
“But God loves you and is not the one who abandoned you. He knows your pain and still waits with open arms for you to come back. He understands.”
It was at that moment, a cup of now-cold tea in his hands, Jim realized how very exhausted he had become. His aunt’s words were music to his ears. Without warning, his eyes watered, and the tears began to fall.
Barely able to speak, he blurted, "I cannot live like this any longer! I drink because it brings some relief and helps me to forget. It's an escape, I know, but I don't know how to fix it. I am so unhappy, and I'd do anything to have even a small piece of happiness and peace!"
His emotions were running high, but trying hard to contain them, he excused himself. Startling his aunt, he rushed out of the room. “Jim?” She called but let him leave.
Once in the safety of his room, Jim fell onto the bed. Weeping uncontrollably, he rolled into a fetal position and let the pain take over. Gradually, he calmed down and began to ponder what just happened. With renewed perception, he arose and knelt beside the bed to do the only thing he imagined doing—he prayed. He was tired of running and ready for change. Somewhere, deep inside his soul, he knew he’d always had a hunger for God; he just did not know now to satisfy that deep need within him. That need to be loved.
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not to strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
“God, I hope you are hearing me. I am so tired and don't understand. But I am very sorry for running away. I just can't do this any longer. Please forgive me—for everything I have done. Please give me peace and show me your love. I need you to accept me back. I am desperate for a change.”
Jim kneeled, waiting—not sure what would happen. Would he hear an audible voice? Would a blinding light fill the room? After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes, an unusual peace flooded over him. He closed his eyes for a long moment as his spirit quieted for the first time in years. Was God genuinely forgiving him? Could he find a new way forward out of the chaos of his life? He had no words for what he was feeling in that moment, but somehow he knew….he was ready to do whatever it took to follow God.
Jim crawled back up onto the bed. As he pulled the blankets over him, a thought came. His mother’s prayers were having a significant effect on his life. A new-found love and appreciation for this woman who prayed for him many years surged into his heart. Wouldn't she be surprised and thrilled when he told her of this night? Closing his eyes, he slept peacefully for the first time in years.
Arising the next morning Jim knew he had some choices to make. He must clean up his act. In the days to follow, Jim stopped drinking—much to his cousin’s dismay. He cut his hair and began to spruce up his clothing. But outside changes were easy. Heart changes would come at a much more difficult cost as he would discover in the months ahead.
Before leaving Canada to return home to Australia, he took a 2,025-mile train trip to Ontario to visit his father's side of the family. He spent hours on that train alone. Having purchased a bed in a private sleeping car, he was able to pray and read the Bible. He’d borrowed a Bible from his aunt but had no idea where to begin.
I’ll begin with the Gospels; they’re always popular. Starting with the book of John, he began to read about the life of Jesus. Familiar stories from Sunday school popped off the pages. But this time it was different. Jim had this uncanny feeling he was getting to know a new friend. This Jesus was more than a story character. His actions began to make sense. Words of scripture Jim memorized as a child suddenly took on a fresh, new meaning. He didn’t completely understand it, but they came alive.
“How could Jesus feed five thousand? He walked on water–that must have been scary to see. He calmed the wind and waves in a storm; I'll bet He wants us to know He can do this in our own lives when we have troubles." Jim spoke out loud to the empty train compartment, as his mind raced with how relevant Jesus could be to him now. When he first opened the book, he prayed, “God, show yourself to me through your word. If this truth is real, I l want it to be real in my life and not just on the page.”
One area Jim wanted to learn about was prayer. He'd grown up experiencing prayer before a meal, usually standing up and reciting words he'd learned. He remembered loud wailing prayer from the congregation as they cried out for the sick or any who left the church. But he somehow felt prayer had to be something more. He began to flip pages as he searched for a story he remembered hearing years ago.
Finally, he found what he was looking for—the Lord’s prayer. He remembered this was where Jesus taught his disciples how to pray. In Matthew 6, verse 9, he began to read, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name." Silence. That’s as far as he got. A lump started to form in his throat. His eyes glued to the word father. Unable to fully comprehend why he had a problem with that particular sentence or even the concept of God being our father, he decided maybe he’d concentrate more on Jesus and his being Lord. There were plenty of chapters to read on Jesus; he was sure.
Upon arriving in London, Ontario, Jim’s extended family greeted him with typical Russian hospitality— food. Out came the barbecues with more shashlik, rice, and noodles than any one person could consume. They spent hours drinking chai tea and catching up on years gone by. His Uncles, John and Peter, and their families were eager to hear the news from down under. When the subject of Jim’s father arose, he would deftly change the topic to avoid the pain it brought. No one pushed him on the matter. In leaving the family, his father had moved to Canada. He’d met another woman and remarried. But by the time of Jim’s visit to Ontario, his father had already packed up his new family and returned to Australia.
The Dikih side of family early years
After weeks visiting and renewing relationships, Jim returned to British Columbia to say his good-byes before making his way back to Australia. It all felt surreal—like he was a different person than when he arrived just five months earlier. It was as if he had come dead and was reborn.
Saying farewell to his aunt, he sensed a deeper kinship developing with her. Jim was profoundly grateful for the heartfelt words she shared just weeks before. As they embraced and looked into each other’s eyes, he knew nothing would be the same after this visit.
“Goodbye, dear Jim. You are going to be all right. Go with God.”
And so, he did, not knowing what lay ahead as he flew thousands of miles back to his homeland.
“For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives.”